My Heart Beats For You
by GirHugs
Summary: It begins with Tony capturing Steve. And then Steve goes and captures Tony's undead heart. (Slash, AU-Zombies, 'Warm Bodies' inspired)


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Marvel or 'Warm Bodies.'

**A/N:** This is a Zombie crack fic inspired by 'Warm Bodies.' All Avengers (and Phil) are teenagers in this AU.

* * *

It's irritating, really, being a zombie.

I used to be smart and charming and good looking and fun!

Okay, so I'm still smart, in comparison. I mean, have you seen these other zombies? Not much competition in the smarts department – not in the looks department, either, so I guess I'm still good looking compared to the general population. So Ha! – but I used to be able to _flaunt_ how smart I was.

I'd open my mouth and people would just sit and stare in awe at my brilliance. And now? After this whole Z-Apocalypse thing? Well, now I can't even string together more than two words – grunts, really, but close enough. It's embarrassing! How are the others supposed to know how much smarter I am than them if I can't _show_ them?!

And I guess I'm still kinda charming. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm kind of the leader of the zombies. I mean, no one would be able to tell you given how our vocabulary is limited to grunts and groans, but it's totally obvious everyone looks up to me. I'm the coolest zombie alive...undead?…you know what I mean.

There's this one zombie – I call him Hammy because, for whatever reason, he kind of smells like bacon – that follows me around, always trying to befriend me. If Hammy wasn't such a _loser_, maybe I'd be willing to throw him a bone – or a brain – but as it is, I've already got a packed social calendar.

In the mornings, I go visit Pep. (Her hair is a bright red that reminds me of peppers, thus Pep was born.)

I stumbled upon Pep some time near the beginning. Pep is cool. She can walk around – powerful and almost _human_ – in three inch heals…which, from what I remember of the good ol' days, is a hard enough feat for a human-woman in total control of her bodily muscles, let alone a zombie-woman.

Pep doesn't seem to like me very much, acts all annoyed or something when I'm around, as if I'm _bothering_ her. Which is just…not possible. I'm awesome. I know this. Hammy knows this. That zombie over there running into the no-longer-automatic-door knows this. Even Pep's subconscious knows this. She's living in denial, obviously.

After I visit Pep and let her bask in my awesomeness for a few hours, I go to the airstrip and visit Roady. I met him while out on a hunt. There had been a group of humans trapped in a suburban house. The hunting party had managed to trap them in the garage, but the humans found the car keys. They'd come busting through the garage door so fast that a few of the Z's got run over. Roady got the worst of it though. He's got this tire tread going straight across his face now. Looks like road kill.

Not sure why Roady hangs out at the airstrip. He just lays there on the ground, staring up at the sky making these groaning noises. I like to imagine that he used to be a pilot or something, and that's the reason why he always stares at the sky with such longing on his face – or you know, as much longing as a partially road-killed, zombie face can portray.

After my sky-gazing time with Roady, I go back to the Costco I now call home. It had been raided back at the beginning and remains devoid of anything that would attract any of the humans back. I hang out in the electronics part and park my butt on the couch I'd dragged over a few months back. I absently flick through the stations but all that's playing is re-runs. I saw that same static-screen yesterday.

A thump has me looking down at my foot where Dummy is running into it over and over again. Two weeks after I found the Costco, I'd unleashed a pack of roombas to keep as pets. One of them was defective or something cause when it ran into something, it would just continue running into it for another five minutes before it finally got with the program and shifted directions. It became my favorite out of the bunch and now it's the only one I keep charged. Survival of the non-fittest, I guess.

I'm just settling in to enjoy my dinner – a delicious brain aged 20 years to perfection – when the alarms start blaring. Throwing the brain back into the fridge, I immediately go the electronics department where my security system shows an intruder. A shiver of fear works up my spine when an image of Stain flashes through my mind.

Stain is the leader of the Skulls. They are the Z's so far gone that all humanity has left them and they've started rotting, even more than the typical Z, leaving behind stretches of bare bone. They have also started preying on other Z's. Stain is the evilest, ugliest of the Skulls – his bones stained a deep, dark black – and he's been trying to recruit me into his little gang of zombie-and-human-eating cohorts for a while now. I politely declined his invitation last time by killing off six of his favorite Skull-minions.

My eyes dart from screen to screen, trying to spot who is encroaching on my territory. On one of the bottom left screens, there is a picture of a lone figure, walking slowly and carefully and very much _humanly_. I let out a relieved sigh.

The guy seems to be making his way towards the pharmacy. The intruder gets two feet inside the pharmacy when he triggers one of my traps. Lucky for him, it's a trap meant to contain, not kill. I watch the guy as he struggles futilely to escape. After half an hour of watching – come on, this is the only kind of entertainment available to me anymore! – I decide to go sort this mess out.

I stroll – okay, shuffle, but this is my narrative, so suck it – towards the pharmacy, wondering if it's really necessary that I release him. Maybe I can keep him. Like my very own human-pet. Because as awesome as Dummy and Roady and Pep are, they're not exactly 'lively company' and I'm getting _lonely_.

"Oh no!"

I'm brought back to the situation at hand when I hear the human begin to struggle harder to try and free himself. Shaking my melancholy thoughts away, I look up at my prey and…

…I think I just fell in love.

He's _beautiful_ – bright blue eyes, a golden halo of hair, and large, rippling muscles…mmmmm. Oh whoops, that purely appreciative-of-your-beauty sound might have given my True Love the wrong impression because now he's struggling even harder to escape. Which…might not be a bad thing, because it makes his muscles ripple and bulge even more, but he also might hurt himself if he keeps twisting around like that, and I don't want him to be hurt.

With that thought in mind, I hurry over to the side of the room where the anchor for the netting is stationed. Cutting through the rope, I release the net and my True Love goes crashing to the floor. He gets shakily to his feet and immediately turns to face me.

"Stay away!" He yells and starts throwing random pieces of debris at me, which is just not cool, man, not cool. A simple 'no thanks, not interested in the undead even if they are as dashingly handsome as you,' would have sufficed. There's no need to get _violent_, jeez.

I mean, don't I get kudos for releasing him instead of eating him? I could have just bit him and turned him into a zombie too and then we could have lived an undead happily-ever-after. But did I do that? No. No, I released him. Because he is my True Love and it's the warmth and kindness and _humanness_ shining in the depths of his blue eyes that captured my non-beating heart.

"Mmmnn aarr," I grumble, trying to convey how upset I am by his refusal to accept my love.

His eyes look around wildly and settle on a trashcan lid a few feet away. He makes a dive for it and then springs back to his feet, wielding it like a makeshift shield or something. I can't help but chuckle and shake my head because he looks absolutely ridiculous.

"Did you…" he tilts his head to the side and studies me curiously. "Did you just laugh?"

I roll my eyes at him and he lowers the shield slowly.

"Can you _understand_ me?" He sounds so disbelieving that I almost feel insulted. No one should ever doubt my intelligence.

Before I can tell him so, there's a crash of noise and I turn to find a group of young humans approaching.

"Oh shit!" One of them yells when he sees me. "Steve?!" He tries to peer behind me at my True Love.

"I'm okay," my True Love responds and I feel giddy now that I know his name.

I turn my attention back to Steve and smile happily. "-eve…"

I have just enough time to see surprise flash across Steve's face and then suddenly my body is sent crashing to the ground. My body jerks and jolts and I look around confused and hurt. Just before I black out, I see one of the humans retreat, a taser in hand.


End file.
